Monday, April 30, 2012

Sven's Eviction Notice

Dear Sven,

I realize that this might come as a shock to you, but I think it is time that we ended our relationship.  Although it seems I have spent a great deal of time with you I still don’t seem to know very much about you.  You are constantly hanging around, but you have yet to tell me why you find my company attractive.  Even though I try to open effective means of communication I get shut down every time I try to find out what bothers you.  Not only do you lack communication skills, but you are incredibly clingy.  I consider your parasitic behavior and continuous mooching quite annoying.  You are constantly getting in the way of my accomplishments.  I can’t even give someone a hug without you providing some jealous and painful reminder that you are there!  

Aside from your possessive behavior, you do not seem to like me very much either.  I get the feeling that you are only using me.  You often intentionally cause me pain in order to promote your own personal growth.  Quite frankly, even though we seem quite attached to the outside world, I feel we have different ideas about how this relationship should commence.  After extensive therapy sessions my counselors and I have decided that it is time that we went our separate ways.  You are too needy and self-promoting for us to continue our relationship as it is currently and I do not think that we can live together amicably in the future.  In order to preserve my sanity and good health you are to move out or be forcibly removed by Friday May 4th, 2012.  Please consider this your one and only notice.  Also, I would greatly appreciate it if you did not leave any of your personal belongings behind.  

Amicably yours,
Michaela R. Romano  

1 comment:

  1. You crack me up- seriously I will be thinking of you all day friday. Good luck!!!